Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
