just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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