apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize