Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no, he came in my armpit
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Randomize
