dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
