my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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