some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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