me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
