all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
