New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
