We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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