on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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