carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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