maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
