This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
