I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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