You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
