someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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