I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
