just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
