i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
