Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize