fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
