did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
