Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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