Have you finally orgasmed yet?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
only you would photoshop your dick
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I need moral support for this bender
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
