I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize