Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
