i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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