i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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