are you still at the devil's house?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
