Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
