gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
