i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
