I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
