no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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