if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
