allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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