i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
