People in love make me want to vomit
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
