if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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