Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I've blown a few things in my day
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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