There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
