T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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