I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
