Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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