Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
