Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
