so explain again why im purple
no
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
