I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
