he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
