A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
