No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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