I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
