I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
