: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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