It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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