that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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