i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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