Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My penis needs a shock collar
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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