this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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