Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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