Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
