drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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