I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize