Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
