what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
