i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
