Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
