Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
