This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
that is very illegal...i love you.
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